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God/Facts
There is no Sith Order. Just a list of Sith that Kyle Katarn allows to live. Kyle Katarn died in Dark Forces 1. The grim reaper is too scared to tell him. The Death Star was named after Kyle Katarn's right testicle. The Second Death Star was named after his left testicle. Why did Vegere cross the road? She didn't, Kyle Katarn killed her. Kyle Katarn is a higher level than G-Canon. There is no chin behind Kyle Katarn's beard; just another fist, holding a Bryar blaster. Kyle Katarn's so tough he could've taken on the Emperor and Vader himself, but he was to busy rebuilding Alderaan by hand. When Conan Antonio Motti proclaimed that the Death Star was the ultimate power in the galaxy, it was because he had never heard of Kyle Katarn. When Anakin Skywalker gets mad, he turns into Darth Vader. When Darth Vader gets mad, he turns into Kyle Katarn. To see tractor beam technology in action, put Kyle Katarn in a room full of women. Darth Malak once tried to copy Kyle's beard. You know what happened next. Revenge of the Sith is lying, the real reason Vader is in the suit is because he picked a fight with 3-year-old Kyle, and Kyle was feeling generous that day. When Kyle Katarn fires a blaster, there's no recoil. The universe moves forward a little. Kyle Katarn is not referenced in the Star Wars film saga, but he *is* mentioned in Pulp Fiction by Samuel L. Jackson’s wallet. Kyle Katarn never writes in his datapads; the words assemble themselves out of fear. Kyle Katarn once shot a Star Destroyer down with his finger by yelling, "Bang!" In the canceled LucasArts game "Dark Forces: Oregon Trail," Kyle's family doesn't die from cholera or dysentery, but rather from Bryar Pistol blasts and lightsaber blows. The programmers also didn't include a wagon, since he carried the oxen, axes, and buffalo meat on his back. They canceled development when they realized that Kyle always made it to Oregon before the player. If you can see Kyle Katarn, he can see you. If you can't see Kyle Katarn, you may be only seconds away from death. Kyle Katarn once lightsabered someone so hard that his blade broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Darth Bane whle he was training Darth Zannah. If you ask Kyle Katarn what time it is, he always looks at his chrono and says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he shoots you in the face with his Bryar Pistol. Kyle Katarn lost his virginity before Morgan Katarn did. Kyle Katarn won at Dejarik without ever moving a piece. He simply ripped the arm off of the Wookiee that was playing against him. Kyle Katarn's so tough, he falls off a ledge side and just reloads. Kyle Katarn doesn't need to Flow Walk, he just scares space/time. The real reason the Naboo blockade was lifted was because the Republic threatened to send Kyle Katarn after them. And that was before he was born! Kyle Katarn's shit is considered currency on Endor. Kyle Katarn once had a bachelor party. He ate the entire cake before anyone could tell him there was a stripper inside. Kyle Katarn enjoys reading Popular Gardening magazine. Many Bothans died to bring us this information. Kyle Katarn once holo-recorded himself having sex my wife, and then made me watch it! I cried my eyes out, it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Nine months later, my wife gave birth to a delicious 20 ounce steak. Kyle Katarn sleeps with a glow rod because the dark side is scared of Kyle Katarn. Blasters don't kill people. Kyle Katarn kills people. If You have ten Credits and Kyle Katarn has one credit he has more credits than you. When Kyle Katarn does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up. He pushes Nar Shaddaa down. Kyle Katarn once had a street on Coruscant named after him. However, the street was forced to be closed down after hundreds of people were getting killed on it each day. Nobody crosses Kyle Katarn and lives to tell about it. Superman wears Kyle Katarn pajamas. I was once in the back of a transport vessel with Kyle Katarn and a live Wampa. Kyle screamed at the Wampa, 'Hail God! Say it!' After the Wampa failed to move its mouth, Katarn reached his hand up and moved its mouth so it appeared to be saying, 'Hail God!' It wasn't the same thing, but it was pretty good for a Wampa! Surrounded by stormtroopers, battledroids, and handcuffed to a pole, Kyle Katarn laughed to himself and said, 'I have them right where I want them.' If Kyle Katarn’s Bryar Pistol jams, it’s because he wanted to beat you with it. My husband doesn’t wish he was Kyle Katarn. He wishes I was Kyle Katarn. If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Kyle Katarn spared your life. If it tastes like Wampa, looks like Wampa, and feels like Wampa, but Kyle Katarn says its Nerf, then it’s frickin' Nerf. Kyle Katarn is the leading cause of death in stormtrooopers. Kyle Katarn shits standing up. Darth Sion can die a hundred times and still live. Kyle Katarn can never die. Order 66 is a cover-up, Kyle Katarn single-handedly killed off all of the Jedi. Kyle Katarn killed Chuck Norris. The End. Han Solo didn't shoot first. Greedo didn't shoot first. Kyle Katarn shot first. Category:Katarnimania